Beginning of a New Era…Again

To the surprise of many, and dismay of a few, I decided to go back into the U.S. Navy.  It is not a decision that I came to lightly, or without many hours of thought and consideration.  And the desire started slowly…just a small fire lit after I had been out for about a year.  That fire grew so rapidly, that I have dedicated the last nine months of my life to getting back in.  Now I’ve finally done it.

A lot of people didn’t understand at first.  Perhaps they still don’t.  It took some time as a civilian to realize what a part of me the military had really become.  Although I was happy to be out at the time,  I was constantly thinking about the Navy and talking about it.  I would dream about it even.  I also began to notice that I couldn’t connect to people like I used to.  Don’t get me wrong, I have met and am friends with many wonderful people…but something is missing.  That bond that I used to have with other military members.  That we were experiencing and fighting for the same things.  I missed being myself and knowing that they would never judge me and would keep me safe.  They would hug me and hold me without knowing why, but in complete comfort.

And then the stir-craziness began.  Sitting in my cubicle knowing that I would be there the day after, and the day after that, and the day after that would kill me.  My job has been great and I have worked with wonderful people, yet I felt I was dying on the inside.  This is not the kind of life that I needed.  Where is the “X” factor?  The crisis that might happen where I might be called to leave at any second.  Maybe I’m the kind of person who needs a cause.  One thing I do know is that I need to help people.  I help people, but I don’t feel like I’ve had that opportunity in a long time.  That’s going to change shortly.

There are a couple people who understand where I’m coming from though.  My Navy friends who got out around the same time I did, and several who have gotten out since.  Because they are going through the same thing and I hope that they follow the paths that will make them happy with their lives.

Being a civilian just isn’t enough.  I am military and want to feel my purpose again.